Is your Child a Natural ‘Loner’?
Just like adults, even young children may have very different needs for the company of others.
Natural ‘Loner’ Children
To some extent, that is normal and simply a reflection of human individuality. The child that is in danger of becoming a ‘natural loner’ though may be in need of help.
Social company
All daycare centre specialists and teachers will know from experience that some children seem to prefer to keep themselves to themselves for extended periods during the day.
This can be manifest in things such as a reluctance to join teams for games, not being in an obvious friend group or gang, seemingly not having a close friend, playing more or less alone at break times and so on.
In some instances, it’s possible to see an obvious cause.
Young children can be moderately ‘pack behaviour’ cruel at times and if (e.g.) another child is notably physically different, by the age of 5-7 mocking and name-calling may have begun. Possibly the other children are deliberately excluding them from their own social circles. In some cases, the affected child may just withdraw into their own protective shell for comfort and security.
Where the above is perceived to be the case, childcare professionals will have a range of techniques at their disposal to deal with the problem and to ensure the child is integrated into the class.
More troublesome though are those cases where the causes are unclear and for whatever reason, the child may just seem to have little interest in playing with other children or making friends with them. That may happen even if other children and teachers are making efforts to help.
Why that matters
Human beings are social animals. A key requirement for a child’s emotional growth and development is having friends and a set of relationships outside of their home and parents or siblings etc.
Interaction with others helps children to increasingly grow up confident in their place in the world and it aids them in developing their powers of judgement where other people are concerned.
So, the child who is a loner from an early age may find it increasingly difficult to form relationships and to interact with others as they grow up. That might not help their education and transition through puberty in due course.
Child development experts regard this as being highly undesirable and the children involved are typically seen as being in need of help when these tendencies are first noticed.
Causes
Children who can’t seem to form relationships with other children and who are seemingly natural ‘loners’ may be exhibiting such behaviours for many reasons:
- they may be a symptom of conditions arising from autism spectrum disorders – though this is fairly rare;
- a phenomenon long associated with especially gifted children is that they may find it difficult to associate with children of their age, often finding other children to be ‘boring’;
- some children who have older parents or who spend lots of time in the care of their grandparents are also known to exhibit loner tendencies in school. This is speculated to arise from them being spoken to as adults at home and then finding It difficult to adjust to the dynamics between children in school;
- they are an only child (sometimes also called ‘spoiled child syndrome’) – this can sometimes manifest itself as per the above causes, particularly as the child may be the exclusive centre of attention at home but in school is unlikely to be so;
- hearing difficulties – this can usually be checked with a fast and non-intrusive test.
In the final analysis, the exact causes may never be attributed. Some ‘loner’ children just appear to be predisposed to try and keep themselves to themselves.
What professionals can do
Where this is noted, most day-care centre professionals or primary teachers will take steps to gently encourage the child to start to play a much more participatory role in the school and playground. They may try to discuss with the child why they’re not interested in joining in with others.
If the problems are minor, that may be all that’s required though they will most likely also discuss their observations with parents.
When the problem is more profound or the child isn’t responding to their efforts, teachers and care providers may recommend that parents consult with a doctor and seek professional assessment and help.
