Fear of Strangers in Babies and Younger Children
Nothing is more normal than a baby or younger child being afraid of strangers.
It’s part of our normal survival instinct and as such, is a healthy sign. However, it can sometimes get a little out of hand and be cause for concern.
Ages
For the majority of children, a visible fear of, or negative reaction to strangers, starts to become noticeable at around 4-6 months. It then typically increases until around 12 months, at which point it slowly declines until the age of around 2-3 years at which point it should become a normal background level issue.
Why it develops should need no explanation. Familiar faces mean, usually, safety and protection. Unfamiliar means at best ‘unknown’ and possibly ‘danger’.
So, don’t be surprised or worried if your child doesn’t want to be held by strangers or even talk to them – at least until they see you’re comfortable with the other person and be patient because that might take some time.
For slightly older children, responsible parents have a balance to strike. Generally speaking, it’s probably sensible for children to not be immediately too familiar and trusting of strangers – unless a parent or care provider they know is present. However, there is a big difference between ‘fear’ and ‘caution’.
Degrees
In children under about 2 years of age, panic attacks if they’re left alone with a stranger or picked up by one, are probably nothing to be concerned about.
It can be distressing though if you need to leave your child with a relative or day-care centre etc. To reduce the severity of such attacks:
- introduce the stranger slowly;
- don’t hand your child to them immediately. Let your child watch and listen to them for some time (perhaps 30 minutes) before trying to encourage them to go to them;
- the first few times, take your child back fairly quickly but calmly;
- in the case of professional day-care centres, the personnel there should be very familiar with these issues and will have excellent techniques they’ll share with you for reducing or eliminating this issue in their centre.
For children over 3, panic attacks and crying when a stranger is present should be much rarer. If they happen, make sure you explain to your child who the other person is and that you communicate they’re safe.
If panic attacks persist to say 4 or 5 years, some specialist advice may be required. That might also be the case if your child is clearly afraid of other children of roughly their own age.
Being prudent
Once children reach pre-school and early schooling ages, they will become slightly more independent and this introduces the nightmare subject for many parents, that of their child’s security with others.
Each parent needs to make their own judgement as to what advice is applicable for their children. It’s important to help your children to understand that fear of strangers when in a familiar caring environment where you are present or have approved, shouldn’t be necessary.
However, they do need to learn the need for caution in the wider world.This will be covered in other blogs.
