Building Self-Esteem in Your Child
Building Self-Esteem in Your Child: It’s not difficult to help develop self-esteem in your child – but it might not happen automatically.
So, parents need to be aware of the importance of building self-esteem in their child and take positive steps to make it happen.
Building Self-Esteem in Your Child
What is self-esteem?
This is a surprisingly complex question but it can be best answered by the following examples.
Essentially self-esteem gives your child:
- a natural instinctive belief that they and their actions have value;
- the confidence to try new things believing they will work or at the least, to be neutral in their expectations as to outcomes. A lack of self-esteem means children go into something new believing they’re likely to fail;
- the confidence to fail, knowing that in itself it means nothing. This translates into their determination to try and try again or alternatively, to change their strategies and tactics to try and achieve the same thing via a different route rather than simply give up;
- a sense that at least many of the people around them think of them favourably.
Shortages of self-esteem
Almost every human being sometimes has doubts about themselves and their abilities.
Building Self-Esteem in Your Child is perfectly natural and simply part of life. We know these feelings as adults and children have them too. They can usually be ‘shaken off’ and one can get back to normal.
However, clinically low self-esteem can be a very damaging psychological condition. Its causes are numerous and some begin in childhood.
The condition in extreme cases can be close to paralysing, with the affected person or child being reluctant to participate in any form of scholastic or social activities, becoming excessively shy and non-communicative to the extent of starting to demonstrate reclusive tendencies.
Such cases are perhaps more commonplace in teenage children and adults but some problems may become visible in the earlier childhood years too.
If your child starts to demonstrate such tendencies, it would be advisable to start with an initial discussion with your doctor. Counselling can be very effective in such instances.
Avoidance is better than cure
There are though some very easy steps you can take to reinforce your child’s self-esteem and prevent such problems from arising to begin with:
- always respond positively to them, their questions and their requests for help. This even applies in the ‘baby years’, such as if they’re crying;
- encourage them confidently but without playing down the difficulties of what it is they’re trying to do. When they manage it, they must see it as an achievement rather than ‘routine’;
- value and praise their achievements – extensively but within reason;
- you should also value and praise their efforts if they failed. Children who fail at something need to have the confidence to try again at a future date;
- listen to them while they’re explaining the ‘how’s of what it is they’re trying to do. Show you value their perceptions (even if they’re wrong!);
- try to avoid doing it all for your child. They need to learn, in part, from their mistakes and how to adjust and deal with their errors when they recognise them;
- never ridicule or humiliate your child if they fail at something. In older children some constructive criticism may be necessary but remember, most younger children are desperate for parental praise and recognition, so mockery and heavy criticism from their parents can be very damaging to their self-esteem;
- don’t unfavourably compare your child’s efforts to that of another child, their peer group or siblings;
- be cautious with your use of humour with younger children’s failures. Older children may recognise that you’re pulling their leg about one of their efforts but younger children won’t and they’ll find it hurtful.
Special cases
Finally, low self-esteem is quite regularly found in children who have some form of physical or cognitive disability or perhaps an unusual aspect to their physical appearance.
This is a potentially serious problem; notably once puberty arrives. In such cases, your health services will hopefully automatically offer help and counselling but if not, you should ask for it sooner rather than later.
